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Observations on WM/FSUW Marriage Failures
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Author:  Rasboinik [ 03 Apr 2011 15:21 ]
Post subject:  Re: Observations on WM/FSUW Marriage Failures

What the heck is happening here, another post by wiz that I agree with.
Which one of us is going soft [lol.gif] ?



I will go further to say that you can take a Russian out of Russia but you can never take Russia out of a Russian.

One of the key issues is the comprehension that the partner will always see certain things in a different light.

That light is based upon things that they took in with their mothers milk and faliure to understand such a situation will lead to a
Image


Of course given time some perspectives will change but the basic perspectives will always remain and if both partners are not able or willing to comprehend that, that will be the case then the ship is most definitely heading for the rocks.

Author:  wicheese [ 04 Apr 2011 01:39 ]
Post subject:  Re: Observations on WM/FSUW Marriage Failures

wiz wrote:
Sharing responsibilities and sacrifices


If men were to paint a realistic picture of what kind of life she can expect, tell her that he will expect that she will work very hard to overcome many problems on her own. Once he has honestly told her what to expect, then he should ask her whether she is still willing to marry him.

If she says yes, he should also ask her why she would be crazy enough to do such a thing?


Wiz,

There is a second part to this because I agree you need to be realistic as I tell Natasha all the time that she'll need to work hard, go back to school (despite having two high degrees from Russia), and maybe not achieve the same as what she has in Russia. She's still all in, but the same thing needs to be understood by the man. It's the man who will have a lot more work with a foreign bridge and if he meets someone locally, so you need to ask yourself the same question, WHY? It'll be hard, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it'll be worth the effort.

Author:  Rasboinik [ 04 Apr 2011 06:46 ]
Post subject:  Re: Observations on WM/FSUW Marriage Failures

wicheese wrote:
There is a second part to this because I agree you need to be realistic as I tell Natasha all the time that she'll need to work hard, go back to school (despite having two high degrees from Russia), and maybe not achieve the same as what she has in Russia. She's still all in, but the same thing needs to be understood by the man. It's the man who will have a lot more work with a foreign bridge and if he meets someone locally, so you need to ask yourself the same question, WHY? It'll be hard, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it'll be worth the effort.
With that kind of attitude I would say that the ship will be sailing under clear blue skies with no rocky shores in sight.

Yes, importing a foreign bride will be / is hard work but as long as that is accepted and understood by both parties that a lot of effort has to put in to the relationship then many of the common pitfalls should be avoided.


[offtopic.jpg] I actually do not like the term "importing a foreign bride" (Yes I do realise that it was me that used it [rolleyes.gif] ) because of the connotations and similarity to the "mail order bride", it is just that I cannot find a better term to describe the act of bringing a partner from another country to live with you in your country.

Author:  wiz [ 04 Apr 2011 08:50 ]
Post subject:  Re: Observations on WM/FSUW Marriage Failures

Rasboinik wrote:
wicheese wrote:
There is a second part to this because I agree you need to be realistic as I tell Natasha all the time that she'll need to work hard, go back to school (despite having two high degrees from Russia), and maybe not achieve the same as what she has in Russia. She's still all in, but the same thing needs to be understood by the man. It's the man who will have a lot more work with a foreign bridge and if he meets someone locally, so you need to ask yourself the same question, WHY? It'll be hard, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it'll be worth the effort.
With that kind of attitude I would say that the ship will be sailing under clear blue skies with no rocky shores in sight.

Yes, importing a foreign bride will be / is hard work but as long as that is accepted and understood by both parties that a lot of effort has to put in to the relationship then many of the common pitfalls should be avoided.

I wish all relationships were plain sailing but....as we all know it never is! Be aware about it and taking pre-emptive steps to eliminate probable pitfalls, naturally, goes without saying and it's part of a good preparation in creating a good relationship!

Bringing a foreign partner (Raffi take note [wink.gif] ) into your own country adds up more additional risks in our pursuit in finding the right person to share our lives and there are too many dimensions, to consider and make sure that mostly everything goes smoothly.

It is my view that a man before he even starts building a relationship with a woman he met and took a fancy....... to openly tell her and ask pertinent questions .... if she has thought carefully about the momentous decision she will have to make and the consequences for moving to another country, leaving behind , home, family friends etc.

When I started communicating with my (now) wife, in my 3rd letter I did asked all these questions and at the time, she thought I was very strange man........ but later in the year when she came over for Christmas....... saw my life in England and understood what she can expect in her new life..... then she admitted that;

"Now I understand why you asked me those difficult questions, which came across as an interrogation!" [biggrin.gif]

Well I standby to my previous comments in post # 20!

Quote:
[offtopic.jpg] I actually do not like the term "importing a foreign bride" (Yes I do realise that it was me that used it [rolleyes.gif] ) because of the connotations and similarity to the "mail order bride", it is just that I cannot find a better term to describe the act of bringing a partner from another country to live with you in your country.

I think Bringing Home a Foreign Bride is more appropriate! [yahoo.gif]


Freephoto by Ambro

Author:  Turboguy [ 04 Apr 2011 10:48 ]
Post subject:  Re: Observations on WM/FSUW Marriage Failures

wiz wrote:
Rasboinik wrote:
wicheese wrote:
I think Bringing Home a Foreign Bride is more appropriate! [yahoo.gif]


Freephoto by Ambro


I always liked the term "international marriage" myself.

Author:  wicheese [ 04 Apr 2011 16:29 ]
Post subject:  Re: Observations on WM/FSUW Marriage Failures

Quote:
It is my view that a man before he even starts building a relationship with a woman he met and took a fancy....... to openly tell her and ask pertinent questions .... if she has thought carefully about the momentous decision she will have to make and the consequences for moving to another country, leaving behind , home, family friends etc.


OK, in my book it's a big red flag is the lady thinks it'll be easy and has no concerns. I ended a relationship with a really nice lady and one of the reasons was (not the primary reason) that she had zero concerns about moving to America (then again she just might have been a super optimist). This was a very smart lady who had a good life in Moscow, so how can you not have a few concerns I was thinking. So, I'm curious, if others would think that is a red flag?

Author:  Turboguy [ 04 Apr 2011 19:06 ]
Post subject:  Re: Observations on WM/FSUW Marriage Failures

I can look at that question two ways. One is that if we make up our mind that something will be hard or that something will be easy it probably will be. The mind can have a lot of influence on our experiences.

The other way I can look at it is that it is far better to think something will be hard and have it turn out to be easy than to go into something thinking it will be a piece of cake and run into things we are not mentally prepared for.

My wives adjustment was very easy but I do think for most women it has it's challenges.

Author:  Olga [ 05 Apr 2011 05:01 ]
Post subject:  Re: Observations on WM/FSUW Marriage Failures

Turboguy wrote:
The mind can have a lot of influence on our experiences.


and otherwise [wink.gif] our experiences influence the mind

Author:  viking [ 17 Apr 2011 00:28 ]
Post subject:  Re: Observations on WM/FSUW Marriage Failures

Hii

There must be 2 for a tango. By this I mean a relationship needs work for both partners. When one of these fail, the relationship fails. I would tend to say the largest single reason to why a tango goes solo, is that its easy to be-on-love and say I-do, but when the daily routine comes around the romance hits the road.

Author:  Olga [ 17 Apr 2011 04:15 ]
Post subject:  Re: Observations on WM/FSUW Marriage Failures

Hi Viking, welcome to the forum

viking wrote:

Hii

There must be 2 for a tango.


Does it take two to tango? [tonque.gif]




PS Wiz, I guess one of them is the famous (or should I say infamous expert on RW guiding [wink.gif]

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